Today, I sunk to a new low.

Ah, hell.  I'm sitting here, on my couch, listening to Christmas music and attempting to gather my thoughts into a coherent string of words and sentences.  It isn't working.  I'm a failure today.  I'm not going to even attempt to be witty.  It's not possible at this juncture.

Yesterday, Sweet Fairy came over to go riding with Emma.  I was in my room, lolling on my bed, trying to pretend I didn't speak or understand english so I wouldn't have to answer Beerhounds text messages.

"What are you doing?"

"No hablos englais"  No joke, that is what I typed.  As you can see, I do not speak spanish, nor do I read it, write it, or understand it.  I took four years of high school French and two years of college French.  I remember fromage and oui.

"No, really, anything exciting happening at home?" **Code Breaker for - Are my erstwhile, slovenly, sluggish children working to improve my life?**

"Si, Si, aqua, donde est ta casa de pepe? Si?"

"Okay, Susan, this isn't funny any more.  Talk to me."

"Si Senor. Denada.  Taco. Buhbye."

"I'm calling you now."

Yea, right.  As if I'm going to answer.  Beerhound can be a little slow on the uptake.

"No I couldn't answer the phone. I was in the shower.  I was in the bathroom.  I was too far away to reach the phone in time.  Rue was tormenting Duncan and I had to intervene."

**Now we all know that would never happen.  I would never stop Rue from tormenting Duncan, the anti-christ cat.  Some people enjoy watching cage fighting.  I enjoy watching Duncan being pestered to death.  It is soothing and a balm to my tortured soul.**

"No I don't know how to check my voicemail.  Someone needs to teach me.  I'm not very astute when it comes to technical gadgetry.  You know that."

So, there I was ignoring my cell phone, trying to ignore the vast amount of laundry spread around my room, when Sweet Fairy arrived on our doorstep.

I blew my whistle loudly.  I keep a whistle next to my bed because I don't like loud voices or yelling.  I also don't like having to get up and traipse downstairs looking for anyone.  I'd rather they came to me.  I'm very accommodating.

Emma and Sweet Fairy came upstairs and into my room to see what I wanted.  I love that the girls friends understand me.

I had purchased a riding vest a couple of weeks ago.  It was on sale and I couldn't pass up the deal.  Unfortunately, it didn't fit the way I thought it would.  Damn those riding vest makers.  Don't they understand women have chests???

I thought it would fit Sweet Fairy though and since she and Emma go riding quite a bit and the weather is beginning to turn cold, I'd at least see it come to good use.