I'm reposting this particular post because for some reason, totally unknown to me, we seem to be getting a shitload of hits on this specific page. I'm adding a few notes first to clarify some issues and update some of the questions.
1. No updates exist.
A. Bonnie's room has not even been worked on since the original post and still has a huge swath of blue paint right down the middle of her wall. I'm including a picture of her room so you can envision the insanity that would occur if I lived in the room.
This is not Bonnie's room. This is a stock photo I purchased because frankly I couldn't find the fucking picture. I'm tired. I need a martini. You don't really care anyway. But for the record, Bonnie's room is this obnoxious. It makes me want to vomit Pepto Bismal just looking at it. We keep the door closed.
Thankfully, Bonnie is ADD, sleeps with pillows and blankets pulled over her head, when she's here and not at Luke's. You know, the Boy, the one she visits at his apartment for days at a time using restraint while maintaining her chastity. They watch PG13 movies only even though they are 20 and 24 respectively. They spend time sharing their deepest thoughts and reading poetry to one another. Go ahead, snort, laugh, gag if you want. When you have a 20 year old daughter, you'll be telling yourself the same damn lies. It's the only way I can look Luke in the eye when I talk to him.
B. Duncan, the anti-christ cat is still alive. He just recently sprayed on my desk and stole shrimp off of my plate when I left to use the bathroom. Yes, I put it out of his reach. He's the anti-christ remember? All-powerful and immortal. Don't worry, one day, he'll come after you. He'll survive the zombie hoard, the Mayan death calendar, the new Ice Age and Armageddon so..., if you live through all of those occurrences, have no worries. He will track you down. I, of course will be dead, because it is physically impossible for me to out run zombies and my family has conveniently left me out of their plan of escape. In fact, I do believe I am their plan of escape. There's certainly enough of me to go around.
C. Do I still smoke Oregano? I don't know, ask Carol. She knows everything.
D. I still don't have a clue who votes our Representatives into office. I wish I did. We just had an election and not only, in Virginia, did we fail to throw any idiots out, we voted a few more in. I live in Norfolk, the only blue district in Virginia and we just rid ourselves of the last sane person in our state house. An example:
When will lawyers, judges, and jurys learn that a supersized McDonald drink is not the same thing as an inter-continental ballistic missile.
Jessica Hall, mother of 3 children(ages 4, 6, and 8), wife of US soldier currently serving his 3rd tour in Iraq, was convicted by Stafford County Jury of Felony offense for maliciously throwing a “missile”(supersized McDonald’s drink) into an occupied vehicle.Â The felony carries a minimum of 2 years jail sentence.
and they wonder why children aren’t getting proper parenting these days…
Courtesy of Stupid Virginia Laws
E. I'm still being subjected to Cialis commercials. How come no one makes a commercial teaching men the proper technique to help his partner achieve the big "'O"? Evidently just getting it to full mast is good enough for us poor women.
F. Bubbly Boy still asks the same question of Pretty Princess. She has no answer but maybe she has the right idea. Always keep males, any male, confused. You're sure to win every argument that occurs. I know Beerhound is always asking me, "what's that got to do with anything?" I don't know neither do I really care. As long as he's confused, I'm winning the game and he just ends up feeling stupid.
No one has tried to answer these questions for me but they sure are reading the post. A lot of help you people are!!! I bet y'all give crappy directions too. Figures.
So Enjoy. The original I'm dazed, confused and sweating. Posted on July 21st 2011 by Susan
I need some help. I have some questions. I need some answers. These are not rhetorical questions I'm asking. I'm actually confused and dazed.
If I had just finished "smoking" in my bathroom, which unfortunately, I'm not able to do on a consistent basis because my daughters are Donna downers and the minute they sniff even a hint of oregano, I have to listen to a 15 minute lecture on the state of my health and then 15 minutes of moaning and groaning about how I've contaminated the air around them, I would be able to explain my confusion and the answers to the questions I'm asking would be irrelevant.
I'm going to pose my questions to the vague but ever present internet audience. Hopefully, someone, anyone will be able to help me. I would offer incentive if I could, a give away perhaps, a gift card, or even one of Carol's cakes that I'm forced to eat every week so I can leave a constructive comment on the page but alas, I'm broke, have nothing of value to give and Carol is on vacation. I'm holding out for common decency and sympathy for the misery my confusion has brought me.
1. Why is Bonnie's room still not taped off so that I can paint it? Why? Emma and Geek Gal promised that they would finish it this week but evidently they got lost on the way to the Home Depot. This is the same Home Depot that Emma and I have been to at least a thousand times before. She's even driven there. We have a damn Stupid Stupid in the car. Bonnie will be home next week. I might as well give up. She's a pig. The room will never be clean enough again so that I can paint it.
2. Why is Duncan the anti-christ cat still alive? Why? He won't even eat soft cat food or dog food. We have to mix it up with milk to make it soupy. He has a fang missing. He's so old, he wobbles when he walks and yet he managed to spray on Emma's desk this morning because I left one of my books on top.
3. Why has Duncan, the anti-christ cat, decided to follow me around incessantly? Why? I hate him. He hates me. The relationship works for the most part. I squeal and the girls come running and take him away. I spray him with the spray bottle and he leaves me alone. That's how it used to happen. Now when I spray him, he gives me that look. "Go ahead, make my day. I'm not going anywhere. Never turn your back on me and never leave any of your beloved belongings where I can get to them". Trust me, he has the uncanny ability to figure out what means the most to me and what I don't care about.
4. Who elects these Federal Representatives? Who? I can't believe the things I hear come out of their mouths. It's raising my blood pressure. Did you know most of them have never taken an economics class before? No, really. I have a liberal arts degree and I took Political Science and Economics. Emma is taking Economics. She could run this country better than they seem to be doing. Well, that goes without saying. Emma is bossy, domineering, exacting, and her personality has the power of a steam roller on full speed. She could convince you to give her your car and be off with it before you even realized that you had given it to her. Then and only then, will you remember that you have errands you needed to run, or people you needed to meet.
5. Why am I being subjected to commercial after commercial offering to help men get it up? Why? Even on MSNBC in the middle of the day! Do men watch TV then? I'm trying to keep up with the news. I might not be able to pay my mortgage if Congress doesn't pull their heads out of their asses and yet I have to watch a bunch of middle age male actors talk about their wing-a-dings while sitting in bathtubs watching the sunset. Does anyone realize that two people can't do the nasty if they are in different bathtubs?
6. Here's a question submitted by my 5 year old godson to his 6 year old sister, my goddaughter: "Every day, Pink Princess, Every day. Why?" He poses this question to almost everything she does that bothers him. The kicker is he just came over from Ethiopia less than 6 months ago. Anyone have an answer for him?
I know these questions seem unimportant and just a little silly but they are causing me anxiety. Anxiety makes me sweat. Sweating makes me feel anxious. It's a nasty revolving door and I'm getting my head caught.
I need some help. If you can help, I'll be forever in your debt. I might even let you taste Carol's cake:)