I figured I would take some time this year to give some sage advice. Sage advice that I have gleaned over 50 years of living. Sage advice that has come from my existential 50th year of life.
It drives me crazy to read articles, "25 things I learned by the time I turned 25", or "35". Really??? Would that be drink all your milk? Hold hands when you cross the street? Always partner up when you enter the big girls bathroom? Trust me on this, there is little a 25 year old could tell me that would teach me anything. I have a 21 year old and unless she wins the Nobel Peace Prize in the next 4 years, I'm not holding my breath for any tidbits of wisdom.
You all can try but I've experienced some all encompassing and devastating events in my life so it would be hard to find something I haven't had to deal with. But, I digress again.
First piece of advice but not the most important by any means.
Do Not Mix Alcohol In Great Amounts. It doesn't look good at the end of the evening. You won't look good no matter how decently you drink and I do believe I can drink most people under the table. (I could be proud of that but I think my father would be horrified even though he passed away 4 years ago). Vomiting, Upchucking, Throwing up, Blowing Chunks or Projectile Vomiting does not go over well in a Safeway store. I'm pretty sure this occurred after the beer, margaritas, whiskey shots and Tom Collins were ingested, although I can't be sure. I was eating too so the food theory doesn't work when you are mixing that much alcohol.
Let's just say, pick one kind you like and stick with it. There are always other opportunities to try something new.
Now..., for parental sake. Have a designated driver at all times. Give your keys to someone else so you're not tempted to drive. Better, move to Norfolk or another urban center where you can walk home from a decent drinking establishment!!!! Yea Norfolk!
Or..., stay home and have a pajama party complete with Pass the Pig game - pretty damn funny when you're drunk or Risk. Risk allows you insight in the true nature of your friends. Try Bunko or Farkle both easy and though you need to change chairs at times if you have enough people, no one will notice the stumbling. Claim bad knees. I do. Works all the time. Of course I really do have bad knees.
This brings me to a digression - based on everything I've told you, why not advocate legalizing marijuana? We could tax the crap out of it. I'm sure we would make enough money to build new super highways. I've taken marijuana for medicinal purposes. There is no Vomiting, Upchucking, Throwing up, Blowing Chunks or Projectile Vomiting involved. Simply a cessation of pain and the ability to deal with a narcissistic 21 year old, a manic 18 year old, an overbearing Beerhound and 12 animals and 7 fish in a glo tank
** talk about a "Whoa" moment**
with a smile on my face and laughter in my heart.
Okay so the snacky thing could become a problem. That's where I invented rice cakes and BBQ sauce. Smart huh?
I'll end with a picture for your enjoyment. I'm not sure why I took it but then I don't really care. Easy peasy, lemon squeezy.