David took me to a nice get away for a night in order to "destress" me. I gather a "stressed" me is not a fun person to be around. I admit I've been fairly anxious lately but I've had quite a few things on my mind.
Did you know fleas have taken over the world.
Did you know cicadas are coming and they are going to take over the world.
We're living in the south in July. The humidity is around 100%. That fact alone is enough to cause anxiety. What I want to know is why I can't seem to lose weight during the summer in the south? I'm sure I've sweated another person from my body just moving around.
As if that wasn't enough - I'm not even mentioning Bonnie or the guinea pigs who are older than dirt and have begun sprouting some kind of pustules which we have to clean out daily - I'm going through menopause watching fleas, cicadas and humidity lead me into an early grave.
Off we traipsed, a night away from the house filled with blood sucking parasites - oh, yeah, I'm talking about my kids. The fleas like blood but they have the animals and even though we have probably poisoned them and ourselves to an early demise, the death defying little bugs continue to exist in our midst.
At the hotel, our room was blessed with a garden tub and jets. Lord save my soul. I decided to take a bubble bath. Something I haven't done in probably 20 years. 20 years? Really? Why, you ask?
I'm old. My knees are ruined. Getting into and out of a bathtub takes herculean effort. I usually need a bar to hoist myself up or a person to use as a bar to hoist myself up and out.
Word of advice: don't ever, blindly, trust your safety is secure within a crosswalk. Because, the old guy driving the car looking for a parking place, he's not trusting that you'll get out of his way. Keep that in the back of your mind. It'll be much easier on your knees in later life.
I was in awe of this tub. It even had a bar to grasp. Unlimited hot water - that alone is a vacation for me. I started to fill the tub, prepared myself, put on some music and slid on in. But wait, bubbles, I needed bubbles. I thought quickly for a moment. I could send David out to buy some but he was already getting comfortable and watching TV. It didn't seem fair. Fairness has not always stopped me. Ask my daughters. But in this case, the poor guy has put up with the evil side of Susan so I tried to think of another alternative. And then...., I remembered. I carry baby shampoo with me whenever we go out of town.
My optometrist recommended it. My tear ducts are drying up and my eyes will get crusted in the morning, not a pretty picture I know but although I love my age, I never said it was all perks. Seems you can wash your tear ducts out with baby shampoo with no harm to your eyes. Aha, baby shampoo is also is good for bubbles. Aren't I smart?
I added a full lid, sat for a moment and then thought, "What the hell, how many times do I get to take a bubble bath?" I poured in, I would say, about half the bottle. The shivers of joy were blocking my normal state of adult practicality and knowledge. Bubbles were pouring forth. Oh joy. My toes were wiggling. I was make mountains while the water was filling the tub, recreating the kingdoms of Game of Thrones.
I settled back and suddenly remembered - I have water jets. Life is only getting better. Hot water, all I can use. Bubbles everywhere. I was even able to recreate my own fan fiction of Game of Thrones. My forefinger silently moves toward the on button, landshark looking for candy. Do-do, do-do, do-d0.
STOP - what happens when you add a ton of baby shampoo into a bathtub and then turn on water jets? You have screaming, mountains of bubbles pouring over the side of the tub, a disgusted husband trying desperately to throw every towel he could find on the floor and a pudgy older woman slipping and sliding in the tub, trying to get out to help. Did I mention I couldn't find the button to turn off the water jets. I didn't? It was covered by bubbles.
After an hour we managed to get it all cleaned up and I solemnly promised that I would not take another bubble bath for at least 25 years.
It was sweet while it lasted though.