A Demented Dame

Have I mentioned that Carol has now decided that I have become a curmudgeon.  She's actually right.  I've reached that age. I've changed from flexible to "No, No, No and F*** No!"  I now understand why my parents had white furniture.  Why, you ask? Simply, because they could.  Who cares if they actually liked the color white? After 22 years of children and animals, they could finally own furniture that showed every speck of dirt.  Having no one but themselves to deal with, there was no dirt.  This also explains why my children were never allowed to touch anything in their house.

I certainly hope that I don't become that kind of grandparent.  I really do love and enjoy my kids, my god-kids, Liz's kids but sometimes  I do want to say, "You are not allowed to sit on my furniture, touch my stuff or walk on my floors, let alone pee in my bathrooms".  When you've decided you're through parenting, you're through.  Beerhound and I are through.

Emma will be 18 next month and starts her freshman year at ODU next week.  Bonnie will be 21 in October, is working full-time and has returned to college for her junior year.  She and the boy are diligently saving money so that they can move out and in together.  Regardless of your moral values, mine don't count, she's my kid, you'd be happy to see her go if she was your child.  I love her.  I adore her.  She is one of my best friends.  But she needs to move Out Of My House as soon as possible.

Now all I have to do is figure out how to quietly rid myself of 4 guinea pigs, 5 cats, 3 dogs and one fish without being hunted down by PETA or called a cold blooded pet killer by my daughters.  I finally invested in scat mats, (electric shock mats that run on batteries) and placed them on every couch and chair I own.  They not only rid us of unwanted guests but they keep the animals off all my furniture.  I also purchased compressed, motion detector spray cans that spray a very fine mist of water and make a loud noise whenever anyone comes with in two feet of them.  I  placed them strategically throughout the house.  Beerhound, Bonnie and Emma aren't exactly thrilled with our newly booby trapped house and it freaks the boy out but why do I care?  I only brought one of these animals home and she is on her last legs, sweet darling.  She's never given us one moment of trouble.

And, of course, I do own a horse, actually two now since Emma is getting ready to buy her own.  But, the beauty of horses is that they live somewhere else, outside, in their own homes.  They poop and pee on the ground and they never scratch furniture.  They certainly never dig through the kitty litter, the trash, the bathroom trash cans (don't gag, every single woman has had the experience if she has owned a dog), eat the food off your plate when you are not looking, eat your homework (our cat Harper infamous for that particular evil, no really) or ruin your furniture.  You think horses are expensive?  Trust me, Makenna costs me less than replacing the thousand dollars worth of shoes, rugs, underwear, carpets, books and furniture (never forget the wall trim that Rue has chewed through)  that have been destroyed by our loving animal companions  - let's just list them for fun - Lexie, Beau, Rue, Beanie, Bear, Maya, Harper, Oliver and satan's child Duncan, who finally passed away two months ago.  Oh and the pigs, Yeshi, Amelia Pond, Rory and Lulu.  I don't know what the hell the fish is called and he hasn't really done anything destructive but I'm not holding my breath.

Beautiful and mows grass

Here is where I suddenly change direction in my discourse to allow for information that I originally wanted to pass along to you.  You knew it was coming didn't you?  If you didn't and I've confused you, don't worry.  I don't care.  I'm 50 now.  I don't really care what anyone thinks about my writing at this point.  Take it from me, a lesson from one woman to another.  You shouldn't care either.  You'd be surprised at how much more relaxing and enjoyable life is when you give up all pretense of trying to please others and gain admiration for your accomplishments.  I actually feel free to clean my house in the nude now.

Carol and I have decided to change the format of our blog.  We will now have only three pages to view, Who We Are, Advertising and Emma's Corner.  Everything else will be written as a normal blog.  We will still write about recipes, especially for diabetics.  Carol is borderline diabetic and I am a diabetic.  I will still write about my passions because I love it when someone else turns me onto something that enhances my life, my life at 50 not my life at 25.  I don't personally care about the newest baby products, child informative news or 25 things someone learned when they turned 25.  Really??? I don't mean to be dismissive but the first 10 years don't count because most people can't remember them.  The teenage years are just a waste of time and filled with angst and I guarantee there is nothing a 25 year old can teach me about life.  I"m past that point.  I do have plenty of advice to offer concerning teenagers, young adults, menopause and long-term marriage and Carol is in the tween/teen stage.  I will still post cocktail reviews and instructions.  I'm not driving a minivan anymore so drinking a good cocktail is a highlight for me.  Plus Emma is trying to practice bartending so at some point she will be able to support herself through graduate school.

 This of course, taking place, after she joins the Peace Corp, trying to drag her with me.  Bonnie is planning on joining the Peace Corp also.  I've already told them my limitations.  Europe sounds good to me but none of those "stan" places and don't even mention Russia.  They don't like p***y there or vaginas.  We have enough problems here in the U.S. trying to battle the brainless men of  Romney and Ryan land.  They don't seem to hold vaginas in high regard either.  In any case,  I don't think they have all the amenities I need.  I'm a curmudgeon, remember.

We will also be writing concerning issues that we believe should be out in the open for discussion.  We want your feedback.  But then again, I don't think either one of us will ever lose our sarcastic view of the world or even our families for that matter.  Humor is worth living for.

Hopefully, this will cut down our workload and make the blog easier for you to read and enjoy.  Ultimately, we're just busy and lazy but we love our blog and would never consider giving it up.

Susan - who know needs to go bag up dirty clothes for the laundromat because Beerhound insists on researching dryers before we actually purchase one. Which takes very careful attention and several weeks. Idiot boy.