Nov 202012
 

This was my christmas post 2 years ago.  Things haven't changed.  I'm serious!! Except the ages of the girls, (18 and 21 now) and I will admit that Bonnie is dressing a little nicer.  She actually looks like an adult, finally.  As for my SIL, we're going to her house for Christmas, thank God, so I'm not going to worry about getting her stuff in the mail although I'm not sure we even mailed the gifts from last year.  I could be wrong.  I need to go check.

Oh and you can buy Stolz by the box of 250 caps from Amazon.  I swear by it now and so does my family.  That and hormones.  But that's another subject.  Right now I have to wrap my head around the fact that Thanksgiving is on Thursday.  Someone did this on purpose.  I'm hated and despised. I've barely gotten through Halloween.  I can't handle the holidays at this moment.  I'm retiring..., to New Zealand I think.  They don't have Thanksgiving.

Yeah, I still hate snow in the south.

 

First, I'd like to give you a recipe of mine.  It's great, oh my is it great.  Take a glass, put ice in it, pour a little cap of Stolz (pure caffeine) and then fill it with Dr. Pepper.  You could now take on the Green Lantern (coming soon to a theater near you) or clean your whole house in a matter of hours.  And I bet you thought I'd never give you any helpful information.

So..., Today, I realized that I don't remember what I got my family for Christmas.  It's not that hard really, I have two daughters, a husband of 25 years, a sister-in-law/brother-in-law.  Really, that's it.  We've had three parents pass away in the last two and a half years and my mom died 10 years ago and D's mom died way, way, way back when he was seven.

Don't feel bad for us - we manage always to keep a sense of humor and life goes on just like it should, besides it's a Hemingway thing.  One day I'll tell you all the things that have happened to me and you'll be able to tell your friends, "Wow, I know someone that happened to."  I'm a great conversation starter.

When my daughters were little, it was easy.  I just bought them what I wanted.  I could even take them with me and just tell them that the gift was for Nana and they believed me. 

And they want to be teachers, HA!

See, I was a girlie girl and they were so not girlie girls.  I bought them a barbie cruise ship once and they figured out how to take it apart and then push each other down the stairs in it.  Breaks my heart.  So don't feel too bad for them. They hung the barbies from the windows pretending they were escaping from monsters.

I've given up at this point.  They just send me a list via email and I buy those things but for the life of me, today, I couldn't remember if I had bought everything or where I had hidden it (laughable huh since they sent the list) or if I had wrapped it.  I have SIL's stuff on the dining room table and I swear something is missing and it's all wrapped so the only way I'll be able to tell is if I unwrap everything which I most certainly do not want to do.

And let me tell you, the things they do want are just WEIRD.  What is it with Dr. Who?? do they not realize that show is like a gazillion years old.  No, they did not just discover it. In case you're wondering, clothes are out.  They  both dress like they're from Berkeley (no offense, all you Berkleyites, I almost went to school there, explains a lot)

No, they're not twins. You have no idea how many times we get asked that.
16
19
Note the glasses - her eyesight is 20/25

 

snow in Virginia - I'm cursed

 

So it seems, the hiding, wrapping in secret, putting out toys at midnight, eating cookies and carrots, ringing bells outside was easy compared to this.  At least I knew what I was doing and if you think I'm exaggerating wait until you have a 16 and 19 year old.

Susan, who was informed today that the dogs need booties and sweaters.  In the SOUTH for goodness sake. Oh, yeah and we had snow AGAIN.

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Nov 302011
 

This is the last day of November and we have successfully finished Na............., hell, I get tired of trying to type it.  Carol and I have posted everyday.  For those of you who do blog by yourselves, without a partner, and have written 30 posts, you have my profound respect.  I bow to your genius and ability.

I, on the other hand, am happier than a mini wheat being eaten, or a stallion set free in a field of mares (ooh, that's a little gross, but I'm leaving it up because I don't want to have to think of another analogy).

I love to write but not when I'm actually required to do so.  Being funny isn't easy either.  Some days I just wanted to make a list of everything that I hate but I didn't think that would count as literary contribution.

Just so you understand the depth to which this nasty Na........ has caused me to sink, I'm sitting in my living room, in the middle of my couch on the only cushion available.  I suppose I could kick Lexie off her bed and have a place to sit.  We just bought her a tempurpedic dog bed.  I keep telling myself, it's because she's old, very arthritic and we don't actually expect her to live much longer but hell, I'm arthritic and in 192 days, I will be half a century old.  Where's my owner?  Where's my damn tempurpedic bed? Oh, that's right, a college administrator is purchasing it with my daughters tuition money.  Or, Jeff Beezos is buying his 33rd bed with the profit he makes off of my one-click purchases for Christmas.  It doesn't really matter who has it.  It's not in my bedroom and I'm not sleeping on it.

I have one place to sit.  I'm surrounded by over 20 christmas boxes.  One tree has been put up, by Emma the sweet thing.  Nothing has been wrapped.  Nothing has been mailed.  No one can walk through the third floor hallway.  It's strewn with boxes too.  I'm not sure what's in them.  I just know they had to come down from the attic in order to get to the Christmas decorations.

I feel like being a scrooge but I've already been chastised for that, not that I care but one can only be criticized so many times before one goes crazy and throws all her daughter's books on the floor of her room.  I, personally, don't know anyone like that.  Okay, I'm lying.  It was Carol.

No, I have to keep it real.  I did promise my readers the truth.  It was I.  Proposition évidemment invraisemblable.  All I can say is honey bourbon and a smart mouth daughter do not go hand in hand.  Don't worry, I'm paying for it.  Even the animals are giving me dirty looks.  And, yes, I'm cleaning up the mess.  I could blame this on my best friend Leila.  She's the one who told me to try Jack Daniels honey bourbon except I don't think she meant 5 or 6 shots.

One day I'll tell you the whole story but not now.  It's too painfully embarrassing to relate at this point.  Ahhhh, I know you're disappointed.  Live with it.  I certainly am.

I'm blaming this all on Nabloplobohelpmemama.

The good news?  Tomorrow is December 1st.  I can go back to writing because I want to and I enjoy it.

I might still be on Santa's good list, doubtful, but one can always hope.

 

 

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Nov 262011
 

This weekend is the most dreaded weekend of all time.  Did you realize that?  If not I'm here to oblige you.

**Just a warning, I'm trying to bone up on my french.  I just finished a book with quite a bit of french conversation and I found that I could actually understand it.  Under no circumstances are you allowed to let that fact slip in front of Beerhound!!!!!**

It's decorating weekend.  This is the weekend we pull all the Christmas decorations out of the attic, no small feat I might add.

There will be a lot of cussing, quite a few "baiser's", accusations thrown back and forth as "to why we own ANYTHING".  "We're not even believers, so why in hell are we putting up Christmas decorations including trees?"

(I would like to point out that Christmas trees were a pagan celebration, so those of you singing O' Tannebaum, give it up.  I might also point out that according to the "true biblical" calendar, Jesus was born in the spring.  Sorry if I have offended you or broken your heart but there you have it, years of misinformation and in case you choose to doubt me, big news, I used to be a charismatic, evangelical,  speaking in tongues, slain in the spirit believer who took a year and read the bible front to back....., twice.  There are 6 mentions in the bible dealing with the degradation of homosexuality.  There are 6 mentions in the bible dealing with the appropriate owning and handling of slaves.  So endeth my rant!)

We will have to rearrange furniture.  Wait, no we won't.  Rue has eaten most of our furniture so that may not be a problem this year.  Although, he isn't a year yet so who knows what he will decide to do with Christmas decorations.

I place a tree in every room of our house.  Each tree has it's own theme and specific decorations that go with the chosen theme. I really do love decorating for the holidays.  Although I am incredibly tired this year so I'm going to leave it to the girls to do all the work and we'll see how it goes.  Oser non? They aren't exactly interior decorators, at least none that I would ever pay for.  Clothes on the floor don't count as the newest technique in decorative art.  Adolescents américains et de l'art, ridicule, non?

I'm still waiting for them to come home to get started.  Emma and Sweet Fairy are out riding with our Pioneer Woman.  They went out to the barn on Thanksgiving, filles stupides, and both got thrown.  It is to be expected when you put your child on a horse.  Thankfully they are both responsible about wearing helmets and protective gear.  I'm happy to report they were both galloping on Argo and Flame when they fell.  It makes me happier.  I'd hate to think they got thrown mounting, standing, walking or even trotting.

Bonnie spent the night with the Boy and although she assured me that he has to go into work early today and therefore she would be home on time, Bonnie's sense of timing seems to mimic that of the sloth.  Paresse: un animal sans le sens du temps. C'est invraisemblable.

I'll let you know how it goes.

While I'm waiting, if you have a moment, tell me your favorite decorating technique.  I can always use a few more.  Mind you they have to be cheap.  Target is, after all, my favorite store.

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