A Demented Dame

I don't think I was meant to be funny this week.  At times, I have the ability to bring forth sarcasm, snarkiness and my own sense of humor.  Let's be honest, most of the time I find humor in the world around me.  I try not to take events too seriously.  What is one day, will not be the next or as I tell Emma all the time, this too shall pass.

I've spent a great deal of my life worrying, too much of my life worrying.  I assure you most of what I worried about never came to pass and if it did, I survived.  I grew stronger.  I awoke the next morning, rose out of my bed and began another day.  I can't name a single incident in my life that failed to mold me, shape me into a more compassionate, honest and loving person.  No matter the injustice, the embarrassment, the tears shed or the heart ravaged.  I am a better person for having lived through times of trial and struggle.

I've taken many truths to heart, but as the new growth of  grain needs the rain to flourish, I believe we need the light of honesty to water our souls so that each day, we are a little stronger, a wee bit smarter, a tad more compassionate and giving, and just a little less self-focused and self absorbed.

Honesty is:

• Honesty is telling the truth.

• Honesty is straightforward conduct.

• Honesty is being sincere, truthful, trustworthy, honorable, fair, genuine, and loyal with integrity.

Honesty is not:

                 Letting it all hang out.

                Telling the truth in order to elevate yourself.

                Used to hurt someone else.

                Saying what you want to say, whenever you want to say it, to whoever you choose to say it to.

Believe it or not, there's a fine line between being 5 and being 50.  It seems a shame though, that I found many women don't know the difference.  I hold women to a higher standard than men, for obvious reasons and for reasons held close to my heart.  We have held the world together.  We have survived the destruction wrought by the battles of men.  Ah, but that's a lecture for another day.

My best friend Leila, who lights up my life, has told me I'm forthright, I'm honest, I'm expressive and I never hide feelings or events under the rug.  (Stupid metaphor coming).  Those events and feelings are not disposed of by sweeping them under the rug.  They grow.  They pick up more dust, more trash.  The rug becomes lumpy and one day someone trips and hurts themselves, badly.  The injury caused can not always be healed.  The injury can leave a lasting scar.  A reminder of disingenuous thoughts, actions, or words.

I'm almost 50.  My health is not good and I don't have the time to play games.  I don't have the time for half-truths, shallow behavior or games played where the only one who truly knows the rules is the one starting the game.  It's not who I am.  It's not who I want to be.  It's not the example I want set for my daughters, both about to step out, into the world, and take a stand for what they believe in.

I'm on Facebook.  I don't do very much status posting.  I simply don't have the time.  I enjoy reading about what everyone else is doing when I get the chance and maybe, sometimes, I live vicariously through their exploits.  I am fond of all my friends and would be willing to lend a hand if needed or asked for but other than that I'm not much of a participant.

I found out today, that I was de-friended by someone I've known for awhile.  I've known her kids.  I've been to her house.  My children have done favors for her.  She's been to my house.  There was no warning, no reason, no simple explanation.  It hurt.  It shouldn't have because my life will go on and the people that love me bring me joy and laughter.  She will just be one less person in the intricate web of my life except that she is part of most of the lives around me.

Here, though, is the dilemma for me.  I don't know what I've done.  I'm willing to apologize for any mistake that I make.  I'm willing not to take a defensive stance and to have a heart open to learning.  Another lesson learned through 50 years of life.  If I'm not growing than I'm dying and in order to grow, I need to be willing to accept criticism.  I need to be willing to take responsibility for any hurt and discomfort that I've caused.  I've learned to be humble.  Life has a way of teaching you humility.

She took that opportunity away from me.  She chose not to be honest.  Too ignore the event that took place or the words that were said.  She chose to ignore me.  And so it was swept under the rug, where eventually someone will trip and fall.  Sadly, it probably won't be me.

Facebook, what a wonderful concept.  Turning Fifty, an event I embrace wholeheartedly with arms open wide.  Being in high school, no price worth paying.

• Truth exists; only falsehood has to be invented. (George Braque)
• The truth is more important than the facts. (Frank L. Wright)
• In the mountains of truth, you never climb in vain. (Nietzsche)
  • There is no wisdom like frankness. (Disraeli)
  • A harmful truth is better than a useful lie. (Thomas Mann)
  • Honesty is the first chapter in the book of wisdom. (Jefferson)
  • One falsehood spoils a thousand truths. (Ashanti proverb)