It's been over a month since I turned 50 years old.
The big news to impart to you: there is no big news.
I'm still fairly confused about this transition in my life.
Remember in Fried Green Tomatoes, the line Kathy Bates has? -
look, if you've never watched Fried Green Tomatoes, then there is no help for you and you're just too damn young. Be gone with yourself. And if you're a female, you should be ashamed. Really. One of the first movies to have strong female leads. -
"I'm too young to be old and too old to be young." Her character was going through "the change". I've already gone through the change. I was an early bird. Thank you Mother Earth, the Flying Unicorn, my GP and who ever else deserves credit. Nine, wonderful years without tampons or pads. The mood swings aren't that bad either, well not for me. They scare the shit out of my family but they deserve it for all the crap they've ever put me through.
*Bonnie actually called a Jewish mother last weekend. I don't if that's racist and I don't really care. All I know is when I was 20 I was in my fourth year of college. I was working at a retirement home, preparing, serving meals and then cleaning it all up. I still babysat. I was a brownie leader and bible study leader in Campus Crusade for Christ. -
**note: don't ask. It's a long story. It amuses most Unitarians we meet so I suppose it's good for something and maybe some day I'll put pen to paper and talk about my decision to leave the church. But right now it's 94 degrees here. Rained like hell all weekend so the humidity has taken over and skin will immediately melt from your bones the minute you walk outside. It's too fucking oogey to try and write about one of the biggest moments of clarification in my life at this time**
And actually none of this was about Bonnie, Fried Green Tomatoes, my release from the tyranny of religion or even the weather in the south, which is usually not that pleasant.
I was going to say that I've decided to learn Transcendental Meditation. I'm dragging Emma with me. Between you and me, she needs it more than I do. Wait, I'm married to Beerhound. She only has guinea pigs and dogs. OK, maybe I need it and I'm just dragging her along for support in case I look stupid. She can look stupid with me.
I figure those Buddhist Monks - although they don't actually practice TM per se - live a hell of a long time and they meditate like a thirteen year old boy with porn. Nuns, who live in basic obscurity and spend hours praying and meditating, live very long lives also. Of course they have no men, children or animals bothering them. And when anyone tell you that having pets increases your happiness and life span, whoever they are, they are lying their asses off. I have 3 dogs and 5 cats and most of the time I just want to kill them. That can't be good for my heart.
Once again, my post has taken on the free flow of a toddler learning to pee in a potty. I start out in the right direction but who the hell knows where I'll end up. Sorry for that, but hey I'm 50 now so if you're judging me right now, please know that I'm flipping you off.
I'll let you know how the meditation thing works out.
Namaste - see I've learned something already,